Brunch and baggage | Meet Mii

There are few things I enjoy more than brunch. At brunch I become a carefree eccentric who doesnt know about Mondays. Whats a Monday? All I know about are eggs and flowy skirts! I believe that people walking by the patio where I am brunching probably see me and think Im a painter taking a break, or an heiress, without a care in the world. Thats how transformative brunch is for me. So I was very much looking forward to brunch with my friend Tanya when, just as I was ?hiking up my flowy skirt to get on the subway to meet her, I got this text:

Be 10 mins late. Helping Mark buy shoes.

Oh. No problem. One can never be late for brunch! I thought breezily, brunchily. Brunch starts when it starts! I got on the subway.

When I climbed out of the TTC another bubble surfaced on my screen:

I think hes gonna buy the shoes. Be 20 mins.

OK.Sure, I can wait another twenty minutes. Time means nothing to me! Easy breezy!

K, shoes didn?t work. Going to Aldo. 1/2 hr maybe? Sorry!

Half hour maybe? Bitch, I need eggs!

This is not the first time I have been frustrated at what I view as a friend choosing a boyfriend over me. All through high school, I felt like a civilian casualty in my friends romantic relationships. They would date and disappear. ?My innocent bystander role was part of the problem. I did not have a boyfriend, and none were on the horizon. So I felt doubly left out. Left out from my friends lives, and left out of dating. I cultivated a very black and white belief structure: choosing your boyfriend over your friends? Bad. I swore if I ever got a boyfriend, I would never be like that. So there are layers of resentment that my failed brunch with Tanya dug up that have followed me into adulthood.

Plus, I was already annoyed with Tanya. Last week, she invited me over saying, Marks out of town, do you want to hang out? Translation: Id rather be hanging out with my boyfriend, but since hes not here, how would you like to be my very distant second choice??But is that really what she was saying? I thought about what her invitation would mean in a different situation, if she had said, my roommate is out of town. She could have just meant, I have the place to myself, come on over. Things may not be as black and white as I thought. Is my clear cut friend code stopping me from giving my friend the benefit of the doubt?

Maybe I just need to admit that friendships are secondary to romantic relationships. Romantic relationships can form the basis of the families we create for ourselves. ?Tanya isnt dating a high school make-out-in-the-basement boyfriend. Shes dating a possible husband and possible father of her possible children.?It would probably also help if I admitted its not really a fair either-or comparison. Friend or boyfriend choose! Im not in high school any more, and I know that the best romantic relationships have an undercurrent of friendship in them. And that after the initial rush of a new romantic relationship, lives fold together and settle back into normalcy. So when I say that my friend is choosing her boyfriend over me, Im oversimplifying the problem.

And if Im being totally fair, I have to admit that its not just Tanya. Our society works hard to funnel us into couples. Invitations come with a plus one. Bicycles are built for two. Minivans exist. So I have to admit that there isnt a lot of messaging that tells us to find a balance between friendships and romantic partnerships. I do still think the value of friendship is underplayed. And science agrees with me. ?In general, the role of friendship in our lives isn?t terribly well appreciated,? said?Rebecca G. Adams, a professor of sociology at the?University of North Carolina, Greensboro. ?There is just scads of stuff on families and marriage, but very little on friendship. It baffles me. Friendship has a bigger impact on our psychological well-being than family relationships.? There is still work to be done balancing friendships and romantic relationships. It requires conscious effort on everyones part. Along with open conversation and honesty between people in couples and their friends. Perhaps over brunch.

Source: http://www.meetmii.net/brunch-and-baggage/

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